Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
