Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
two words...techno handjob
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
