the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we should paint friendship bongs
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