Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
