similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
