I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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