I look better un-naked...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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