OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
