i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize