Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
