there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
