i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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