just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
