i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
