this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
