im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
