well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
