shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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