New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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