How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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