At least make sure they are 18
Why
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
