i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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