oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize