i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
