I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you would pick up someone in the library
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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