God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
