Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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