So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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