Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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