I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
