so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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