when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
