So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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