Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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