Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
