Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
