What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't deserve a penis
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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