If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
