so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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