It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
