Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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