yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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