Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
