Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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