Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
