I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
