I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
