I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize