oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
