lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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