We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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