Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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