chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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