Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
