We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
