Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
