I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
