The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
